Saturday, January 26, 2008

*EvErYtHiNg Is So CrAzY*

(I apologize ahead of time but this blog is going to be all over the place because I am just kinda talkin about everything in it so try to make sense of it all)
The Song on my myspace totally explains how I have been feeling lately. Alot of things are not going the way I would like them to go right now. I have so many mixed emotions going on right now. Confusion, Hurt, Anger, Sadness, etc. I feel like everything is just crashing down. But I am tryin to hold my head up high and stay strong. I have been feelin so lonely. Its like everyone around me as someone they are happy with and everything is great, and I am alone. Yet I know I am never truly alone because God is always with me. I have decide to give it all to him, my relationship and walk with God has been gettin so much better. I know I have gone astray but we all do. I am just glad God has grabbed hold of me again and that it is kind of like a new start.
Its My daddys birthday today. Happy birthday daddy. Not to mention it is going to be his 7 years sober on the 28th so he is super stoked about that. My dad and I may not have the best relationship but we are gettin there. I truly love him with everything I have. He is an extraordinary person. What he has been through and that fact that he is still here with me today is amazing. He is seriously living proof of a miracle! He is truly one of my heroes. He may not believe it but he really is. I know that I mean the world to him and all he wants is a better relationship with me. It breaks my heart to think that he thinks I don't cherish the relationship I do have with him. I am so thankful that he is here for me to even have a relationship with. I love you Dad! (I was listening to the song Zoe Jane by Staind as I was writing this that is like My Dad and I's song but could not find it to put on my blog so here are the lyrics)

Zoe Jane
"Well, I want you to noticeTo notice when Im not aroundAnd I know that your eyes see straight through meAnd speak to me without a sound I want to hold youProtect you from all of the thingsI've already enduredAnd I want to show youShow you all the thingsThat this life has in store for youIll always love youThe way that a fatherShould love his daughterWhen I walked out this morningI cried as I walked to the doorI cried about how long Id be away forI cried about leaving you all aloneI want to hold youProtect you from all of the thingsI've already enduredAnd I want to show youShow you all the thingsThat this life has in store for youIll always love youThe way that a fatherShould love his daughterSweet Zoe JaneSweet Zoe JaneSo I wanted to say thisCause I wouldn't know where to beginTo explain to you what I've been throughTo explain where your daddy has beenSo I want to hold youProtect you from all of the thingsI've already enduredAnd I want to show youShow you all the thingsThat this life has in store for youIll always love youThe way that a fatherShould love his daughterSweet Zoe JaneSweet Zoe Jane"

I think it is amazing how people can change. One day you could think they are the most awesome person ever, then the next they decide they don't want anything to do with you. Do people think about how they are going to make others feel before they do things like that. Its amazing how a person can make you so happy and than simply shatter it all by simply deciding that they don't want to talk to you anymore.It ridiculous.
Isn't it simply amazing how one person can make you so happy and they don't even realize it! Just talkin to them makes you happy, the thought of just spending time with them makes you smile. Just everything bad seems to be non existant when you hang around this person. The thing about this is that this could very possibly be the person God has chosen just for me. Or it could not be. Waiting is all part of it, and I will just have to let time tell if it is the right person or not. If its not then I suppose something will go wrong just like with all the others. I will just have to stay on my knees in prayer about it.
So as some things are going good and others are not going so good just please keep me in prayer. Especially those of you that know the bigger details of why I am sad, angry, happy, etc. I appreciate the prayers and I need all I can get.
Always would like to say a Thank You to Tia and Hannah for mentoring me. Tia has been for a while and we don't get to get together much but when we do it really helps and she helped me get ALOT of stuff of my chest this past time. Hannah thanks to you as well for all that texting and talkin in mexico and all you've been a huge help to and I really appreciate it. I love you both dearly! Muah!

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