Browneyedbeauty

~So Much To Catch Up On~

2009-07-16T01:40:00.001-07:00

Hey Yall.....As You Know I have Been looking For a Job. Unfortunately I still....Dang they weren't kidding when they said the economy was Tough huh. Anyways Been applying anywhere I can, so all I can do is keep praying and leave it in Gods hangs. Something Will Come Up Soon. Hopefully.

Other Than that My Dad and I have been working on filling out financial aid papers for school. I really would like to go back to school soon, so we are trying to get all that done quick. I have been looking at different majors and different programs I can go through to get to that major, right now I am interested in pursuing a Major in Music Business. I Love Music its Like breathing To Me....I don't think my life would be the same without it. Those who cant speak through words speak through music and when I am feeling a certain way usually i will tell someone to listen to a specific song and describe to them that the words in the song will describe exactly how I feel. Lets just say I can honestly say in a profession involving music I truly believe I could be happy doing that Until The Day I Die (Story Of The Year ha great song). I am hoping to get into promoting bands or concert events, or managing bands. Something Of The Sort would be something I would love to do for the rest of my life....Ya I know that sort of thing isnt easy to get into but you know "The Sky is The Limit" and with proper schooling I think I can make it = )

Anyways enough bout the good stuff.....with the good has to come some bad right? Of course thats the ropes of life....unfortunately. So This Ex boyfriend of mine has really be upsetting me lately.....texting me really rude and hurtful things. You would think after a break up and the discussion you dont want anything to do with eachother that he would leave me alone....but OF COURSE NOT.....its just not that easy. I keep being told if I respond to his texts I am only fueling the fire....which i suppose is probably true...becuz he wants me to get upset, and if he knows i am upset than he wins. I am so done with his immaturity...you'd think for someone being deployed next month he would be a lil bit more mature and grown up...But I guess not. But is all good...his loss not mine....out with the old in with the new. I swear Frenchy of Grease was 100% correct ha ha "The Only Guy A Girl Can Trust Is Her Daddy...Men Are Fleas on Rats...Even Worse their amoebas on fleas on rats." ha ha....So true. But I am confident that my perfect man is out there and I forever till the day I meet him will be patiently waiting. <3

Other than that I have still been going to counseling....Regularly, it is helping. But everything I have been through is going to take a while to Mend. But with Gods help it will all be healed in time. = )

Also been talking with an old friend lately. I am so glad I reconnected with her. She is such a great person, she was always there for me, and she never once has judged me for anything. I highly respect her for everything that she has gone through and everything she is doing. She is a very responsible and loving person. I would do anything for her. I thank god that me and her reconnected.

Well thats all the dish I got for now....See Ya!

~Its Been Awhile~

2009-05-26T00:28:00.001-07:00

So I know its been a LONG time since I have blogged. I have had alot going on lately. I lost my job....Seeing has the economy is terrible right now all I have been doing all day everyday is submitting resumes. So hopefully something will turn up soon. If you Know of anything or hear of anything please let me know. = )

Aside from that..Haven't had to much going on lately. I have been thinking about alot lately. I see all these people my age around me that seem to have it all together..Steady Job, School, Good Relationships.....some are even getting married and starting a life with their significant other or high school sweetheart or whatever. I just feel like every1 around me has it so together. I mean people are getting married and starting families. I cant even seem to date someone and have a healthy stable relationship....I find myself questioning if I am ever gonna meet the guy god has for me and If i am ever going to be married and have a family. I mean I know I am only 20...but its discouraging when it seems as though everyone else your age is getting engaged, or already got married.......not to mention are in school now what they want to do and have stable jobs. I am not going to school and I have No job. Ever just feel like everything is on pause, and you're not going anywhere?

Thats pretty much how I feel right now. I mean I know I am at this point right now because its in Gods plan.....and he has something better for me but it just hasnt happened yet because it is in his timing, not mine. I just hope everything will fall into place.....Job, School, and last but not least a good guy that is capable of being respectful and having a steady stable healthy relationship.

I have been trying to not focus on all of it and just be patient.....I mean I did just lose my job and the guy i was dating. losing my job might not have been for the best but...losing the guy i was dating was definitely for the best. Let me Tell you if you think someone cares enough about you to change some things that need to be changed.....dont get your hopes up because most of em WILL NOT change. Many guys think they can just treat girls like dirt and the girl will stick around because they have already put their self esteem down so bad the girl doesnt think she can get any better for herself but girls can....I CAN and EVERY OTHER GIRL CAN! I know now after dating a few guys that it was a lesson learned ( i wont say time wasted cuz that is mean) But honestly most of the guys I have dated have just made me realize everything I dont want in a guy or in a relationship. So its kind of a blessing in disguise in a way. I know when I meet the guy for me I will be everything he ever wanted. Kinda like the song below describes. I heard this band on the radio and I absolutely love their songs. Especially this one....great lyrics.

Anyways.....I just thought I would share kind whats been up with me lately. Well Hope Everyone Had A Great 3 Day Weekend.

Change

2008-12-11T16:56:00.000-08:00

A Song I Been Digging lately.....Enjoy!

Great Song

2008-12-11T16:50:00.000-08:00

March 5th Baby I am going to see these guys with my Daddy and I couldnt be more STOKED about it. They are so talented....ha this is one of my new fave songs lol. = )

Enjoy!

~Things Change....People Change~

2008-12-09T17:23:00.000-08:00

As of lately I have been having definite problems in the friend area still. Its So unfortunate that when you think someone is a good person, and true honest friend....they prove you so wrong. This has happened to me recently people I have been close to for years just turn around and backstab you...it really is a big reality check. I mean first and foremost i dont understand how guys can throw around terms like Whore, Slut, Skank, etc. (you get the jist)and think that it does not hurt anyone. I now understand what my parents meant when they would tell me to think before I speak because you might end up saying something stupid that hurts someone as people have done to me. What these people dont know is that because of their words I have sat up crying myself to sleep on occasion. Whoever said Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones but Words can never hurt me obviously had no idea what they were talking bout. The words of a handful of people I thought were my friends really hurt me, more than I could have imagined. So I guess this is a new start....I am looking for new people in my life. New friends. A New Beginning. I had Trust issues already but now i have them even more.....I am going to watch who I let close to me. I Have learned to Trust.....God, Myself, My Parents, and a select Few friends that have earned my trust. I am not just going to off the bat think people are good people and trust them anymore. Trust needs to be earned.

So to all of you that I thought were my friends that I thought were good people. Nice try....trying to bring me down..Sorry it did not work. I am not going to go chasing for your friendship. The only people you need in your life are the ones that need you in theirs. The Videos Below Go Out To You Guys.....

Heres To Making A Change In Life....= )

~Can You Actually Trust Anyone~

2008-11-11T19:46:00.000-08:00

I thought This video Went Pretty Well with The Post So check it out (disney artists but great song lol)!

I have been going through a hell of a rough time lately. Yea I have friends that have been there for me through it all. Yet I have some friends that have been running their mouth and let me tell ya if They ran as much as their mouth did they would be is Awesome shape. People I thought were my friends are now turning around talking trash about me. People that I put my trust in have now turned around and threw it all away. It takes years to build up trust and only seconds to break it. I have learned that I can trust no one aside from MYSELF, MY FAMILY, and GOD, and Those select FEW that have EARNED MY TRUST!

Recently I have come to realize people are not always who you thought they were. People could care less about anyone elses feelings aside from their own. People will do anything to belittle you just to make themselves feel as though they are good. As of recently I have been struggling with some issues with friends. Due to the mere fact people are not always who you believed them to be. Many people put on a front...wear a mask, hiding the "REAL" them. I have never worn a mask....People can say what they please about me but at least I am not out "FAKING" who I am. Yea at points In my life I was ashamed of how I was acting and Some of the things I did....But I never acted as though I was anything else than Me.

As of right now....I am in shock due to some situations that have been going on with certain friends of mine. Not only do I feel Betrayed...but I feel as thought some are being shady and trying "MASK" situations that are going on. If these people are ones I truly consider my friends they would have no reason to "MASK" any situation....they would be able to just be honest. At this point I find myself sitting here as I type questioning if I need to reconsider who my "REAL" friends are....and whether or Not I should search for a new group of people to hang out with. I constantly find myself giving certain people chances over and over again and they keep messing up again and again. Yes, I forgive them....but do I want to continue to hang around certain people that drag me down? Not So Much.

So with that said I ask yall to Keep me In your prayers about this situation.

I challenge you all...Be REAL Be YOU...you may be Looked down upon, and/or Talked about..but on the upside at least your being YOU and thats the exactly what everyone should WANT!

~Wait For Me~

2008-11-02T16:59:00.000-08:00

This Is an Amazing Song, Amazing lyrics, from an amazing Artist. Rebecca St. James is a wonderful singer/songwriter...Not to mention a wonderful artist. I actually just read a book by her that was a Top-Seller. It was called "Wait For Me" and she actually wrote the book after writing this song! The book was very good...usually I pick up a book and get bored with it and never finish reading it but this book was amazing. I read it and actually had a hard time putting it down as opposed to having a hard time picking it up and continuing to read it. It talks about waiting for God to put the right person in your life and remaining pure till marriage. Which is something that I think young people these days really struggle with. Honestly I think everyone struggles with temptation but when I sit and really think about it...When I meet "The One" than he will be so happy that I was able to stay strong and remain pure till I united in marriage with him. I just think that when I do meet "The One" that it will make us so much happier and draw us so much closer.

So this really kind of opened my eyes to a whole new way of thinking...I mean I always really thought about it but didnt reallu understand the realness of it until this book..

SO just thought I would share with you all..

Peace!

~ So Beautiful~

2008-10-26T17:28:00.000-07:00

This Song Is Amazing! I happened to hear it on AOL Radio While listening to the Christian Station and I was like Hmm...Who is that. So I looked him up on YouTube. I love the video and the song. Basically it served as a reminder to me that no matter what difficult times that a person is going through God helps you through it all and That everything as some light of beautiful in it no matter how bad the situation. Trust me and this point in my life I of all people would know that to be true. I am really going through hell right now. In fact me and My family are going to counseling Thursday...There was an issue with me and I just a few weeks ago put it out in the open to my parents and I think they are having a hard time coping with it, More so My dad than my Mom. So we are going to the first session as a family than I will continue to go alone from then on. So just please Keep us in your prayers and Me most of all to help get through all this and be healed.

Anyways I just wanted to share this song and video with you because I think that the song is amazing and the lyrics are Wonderful. No matter what trouble you are going through God is always with you and Will continue to help you out, and that in the Midst of all the horrible things going on and all the Darks hours that Life is still Beautiful and I cant tell you how true that is!

Love Yall

A Lil Bit Of Realness For Everyone

2008-10-12T21:17:00.000-07:00

Dont let the Name Of the Song catch you off guard. I chose the video with the lyrics because if you read the lyrics while listening to the song it is so true. Sex is a gift given to all of us from God and it is something that should not be given away to someone who doesnt think it is important Nor should it be Taken away from you by someone who doesnt deserve it or you. Sex is a very precious thing that should happen when two MARRIED people love eachother and want to unite as ONE. So like the song Says "Think before you let it go". Also like the song says "Guys will say anything to get at your stuff" again another statement that is so true. Guys will throw the word Love around like it is no big deal if it means getting Laid. Last but not least another statement that proves to be so true...is "Use your common sense, your worth waiting for, cuz once its gone you'll never get it back" Now days people just have sex with anyone but it is no big deal. But they will never get back that piece of themselves that each guy they slept with took.

I read a book that put it like this As a guy stand up at the alter on his weddin day the girl walks down the aisle as she nears him she starts to realize there is a long line of girls behind him....thinkin she probably doesnt want to know she asks anyways..."Who are all these girls" the man replies "These are all the girls I have Been with....they all have a lil part of me, therefore you dont get all of me" The girl gets upset..and now not only does she not get her husbands whole heart but its as thought he has a part of each of these girls...and that will stay with him.

I know its a terrible way to look at it but it is SO true. So just watch the video and think about it.

Peace!

~Believe~

2008-10-04T21:46:00.001-07:00

So I am gonna do a kind of video of the day thing Kind of like my dad everytime I post a blog I put up a song that kinda is what I have been feeling like I guess. Lately I have been on a Staind kick. If you couldnt tell.

I think the song Believe is amazing....The lyrics the weak will become the strong. Believe in me I was meant for chasing dreams. I mean That is totally kind of feelings I am going through right now. I have been through ALOT and just as of recently a youth pastor told me I should really look to someone in the church as a mentor for help and counseling because I am all kinds of screwed Up so I have told someone everything and kinda gotten it all out and it is stuff I have kept in for a while and not good stuff it is stuff that is going to affect my life significantly and not in a good way! So I am supposed to be meetin with this person sometime this coming week to talk about it deeper so yeah! Everything that I have been through is hard and very tough to deal with and I am weak but I know it will all make me stronger in the end and It wont keep me from doin what I am doing and making somethin of myself!

Love You all

peace <3

Great Song...

2008-10-04T21:38:00.000-07:00

So basically....I heard this song at my friend Sarahs Quincenera when she danced with her father. It brought tears to my eyes...Well Tonight as I sit here watchin videos on youtube I came across this song....and Having listened to other Staind songs before I know the singer has quite the past with alcohol..This is basically a song to his daughter sayin that he may not have been the best dad all along and what not....and if any of you know my Dads story you can see why I like this Song. Me and My father do tend to bump heads alot.....and in listening to this song I hope he thinks all of those things of me that this guy thinks of his daughter. Whew...eyes tearing up now...lil heartfelt moment...

Well bought to go out for a night on the town with my Peeps....Have a Good one!

~ As Of Recently~

2008-09-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

I been pretty busy lately between work Monday-Friday 8Am-5PM than School Mondays and Tuesday 7PM-10PM and School Fridays 5PM-730PM. I have not really had much time to do anything lately. Work is becoming very very stressful....defninitely turning into a full time job lol I mean there is alot of drama in my work place dumb people are bringing personal lives into the workplace and honestly i believe that needs to be dropped at the door. But whatever I keep my head up and try to stay above it all because lettin them get to me is exactly what they want and ha it is not going to happen. Also school is pretty good...been meeting some awesome new people and all my classes are pretty chill.

As far as me lately I again feel as though my walk with God is struggling. I mean I know I blogged bout this a few months ago....and I was getting better and Now i feel as though I am slippin again. I do not like the feeling when I myself realize that I am slippin up....if I myself am noticing it I often wonder what I come off like to other people. Honestly All I can do is try harder pray about it....find another wiser woman in the church that I trust that can maybe mentor me. Also all I can ask is that you keep me in your prayers. Its nothing major just slippin up with the kind of language I am using and Things like that and The attitude I have held lately.

If you have not already heard I am looking for an apartment with my friend Ziggy. He is a very good friend of mine....and I trust him very much...and I think he would be a good person that would be responsible with his payments and financial stuff and all..So we have been looking around at 2 bedroom apartments...So please keep us in your prayers that all that goes well. I mean my parents are not kicking me out But i am almost 20 and I have a fulltime job so I have the money to be ok on my own So i am not to worried bout it....Time for me to step into the world and spread my wings.. (thats wat daddy always says)

This weekend I will be going to Tucson to attend the Fall Ball Tour Which is basically the same lineup as EdgeFest thats coming here but a few minor differences. I am going with a friend Yessenia....she a cool girl works with my mom...It should be a really good time.

On a more personal and emotional level....Something that I went Through lately I feel has had a big affect on me in not such a positive way. It was something really stupid and one of those things you go back and think wow I wish that didnt happen....or something along the lines of that. Anyways I am left with nothing but the feelings of brokeness, and being used. Let me tell you those are not fun feelings to have. Some people know what the situation was a select few But they know who they are.....they are a few people from the church that I feel I can talk to about anything without them going off and tellin someone. To those people I greatly appreciate you taking the time to listen! As far as this situation that leaves me in tears with nothing but the feelings of brokeness and Being used...Please just pray for me that these feelings will go away and that God will just put his hand on the situation. God is truly the only one that can mend this feeling. So i just continue to Pray to him about it and If yall would Pray to that would be great.

Also....as far as everyone remembers lol I was kind of struggling with the whole area of having patience and waiting for "THE ONE" God chose for me to be with in marriage. I am becoming more and more ok with being single...yeah all my friends have boyfriends but most of them are just a waste...they will break their hearts in the end (trust me I have been through the situation more times than i care to count) But I have one friend imparticular that has been with her boyfriend for a while now....and she believes he is the one and I am so happy for her I mean she has expressed to me you just have to wait and be patient and not think about it....that she did just that and this amazing guy that is now her boyfriend came along...and I know that he makes her so happy just by the look on her face when she talks about him or even when someone mentions his name. I want what she has one day...I do believe as long as I am patient that it will happen. I recently bought a Book called "Wait For Me" its by singer/author Rebecca St. James and It is an awesome book....she is an amazing writer and it really is putting the idea of waiting and bein patient into a better perspective for me. So if any of you are going through similar thoughts or know someone who is i recommend this book. It really got me to thinking that My future husband is going to have to have forgiveness for alot of the things I have done before I met him....I feel as though I have let him down already and I dont even know him yet. I know that God will give him the Mind to understand, and Heart to forgive and Love. I am sure There are probably things I will need to forgive him for to...I mean no one is perfect. Especially when your young and stupid....people dont always make the wisest decisions.

well I think thats all for now...

Peace <3

One Lil Miracle

2008-08-12T17:42:00.000-07:00

So I have been Listening to the Christian Radio Station Air1 Lately. It seems as though everytime I turn the station on I always hear this song on the radio by Hawk Nelson call "One Little Miracle" and each time I cant help but be blessed by the words. It really makes me thing Of Myself, My Mom and My Dad and Us as A family and Of course GOD. I mean the worst just give me chills everytime I hear it.

Now if you know My Family & I at all you know what we have been through together. What we have struggled through and overcome together with the prayers of our friends and family. With each others help and of course with Gods help. My daddy used to have a problem with Alcoholism. I mean it literally tore our family apart. We almost did not make it through it all together and even end up staying together as a family. But With Gods help my daddy overcame his addiction and My Mom was strong enough to do the things she had to do to get through it all. It is all such a miracle because Honestly had things not been overcome of fixed we would not be the family we are today shoot we would not even be a family (honestly we probably would be seperated) But God put his hand on the situation and fix everything and I am so grateful for that. With A Lil bit Of My MOM and a lil bit of My DAD and a lil bit of ME and ALOT of GOD this was all a miracle in the making and this is wat this song makes me thing about if you listen carefully to the words.

My Mom is honestly one of my heroes I look up to her so much. She is so amazing and The things she has been through and she still stands strong in her skin today! She is so strong and such an amazing person and I love her for it. She has taught me just by watching her that you need to be strong and Do what you Have to do, Sometimes it is not easy But you have to do it. I just think my Mom is amazing and I Thank God for her EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE!! I truly would not trade her for anything! She is my best friend and I dont know what I would do without her! I love her to death and I am so glad out of all the moms in the world I got her! She is great and I cant thank god enough for her.

Also, My Dad is my Heroe. If any of you know My Dad and I we do butt heads....OFTEN but its all out of tough love. Honestly no matter what cruel horrible things we say to each other in the middle of those stupid yelling fights I honestly dont mean them at all usually anger overtakes me.....because in all honesty I LOVE MY DADDY TO DEATH!! I also thank God for him everyday because he God not broken him free of his addiction he may not have been here today!! So I look at everyday my Dad is with me as a blessing because if things went differently things could have ended up way worse. I truely look up to him for everything he has gone through and overcome! It amazes me everyday how far he has come and I am SO THANKFUL for it!!

I love you MOM & DAD!!

DragRaces

2008-08-09T12:53:00.000-07:00

So I went To the DragRaces Saturday Night to watch My Pal Sean Race his New Mustang. Its weird how something like cars and stuff can make you realize something about people. I Mean seriously its crazy as I was watching I was thinking wow some of these cars are really ugly On the outside but most of them smoked the newer pretty cars by a LONG SHOT!! I means its unreal how the ones that look better lose to the ones that look bad. Than I come to the realization Oh My Gosh people are like that. I mean It is on the Inside that counts. Like these cars they could look aboslutely old and awful on the outside but it is what is inside the car under the hood the counts, that is what makes the car. With people I mean you could not be the best lookin on the outside but its what is in your heart that counts. It is whats in your hear that makes you Who and What You are. So I just thought that was pretty cool that I thought of this analagy. It is So true though. I mean people these days usually take the though of an outward appearance and Run with it. But it is really What Is Inside That Counts. So Yea I just thought I would share My Thoughts With You All!! Have a Great Day!! Love You All!!

Peace!!

Lately....

2008-08-03T15:31:00.000-07:00

So Basically I have not posted in a while so I thought I would fill you in on what has been going on. I have been a pretty busy lady lately work 40 hours a week every week. Than starting school soon that will be 3 evenings a week. I am going to Mesa Community College I will be taking English 102, Rock N Roll Music History, and Hip Hop Dance. So I am pretty excited. It should be fun. I am kinda nervous though because MCC will be a new school due to the fact I went to Chandler Gilbert Last Semester. Anyways that pretty much is what I have been up to lately.......

As far as on a more emotional level. I feel as though I really have been slippin up on somethings lately. Things such as the way I have been acting, talking, and stuff like that. I have not been using the greatest language lately which is not a good habit to fall in to. Also, I feel as though my walk with Christ could be better at this point in time. That thought is something that has been burdening me lately and I have been working on it and prayin about it but if you all would keep me in your prayers that would be greatly appreciated. I just feel as though I have been slipping and it is a big disappointment to myself. I know that if I dont work on it now Satan will just attack harder and I will fall harder. Also......I will not meet the right person to be with if I am slippin. I have been waiting and Relationships I have tried to have only failed pretty badly. So I know it is all on Gods timing and going through bad times has made me realize that it is not when I am ready it is when God is ready so I will patiently wait.

Also earlier this week I heard a song on the radio by PILLAR I believe it was and it was called Smiling Down And it just was pretty much exactly what I needed to hear. Pretty much that no matter the trials you are facing God is ALWAYS smiling down on you as one of his children and that he loves you no matter what and that everything will be ok. It just pretty much brightened my day! So Just Thought I would share that and Share the Video With You.

Lately.....

2008-05-02T17:40:00.000-07:00

Wow lately alot has been going on. Finally got a fulltime job working as a receptionist. Plus getting some school done to at the same time....let me tell you it is exhausting. So many things have been going on lately. Not gonna get into it but lets just say some problemas with the fam have been stirring. I am pretty sure its just satan trying to sneak around and screw things up. Also, I have been pretty down about some things lately I have been trying to stay positive but sometimes it is kind of difficult. I mean I have a "friend" who will remain nameless who is no longer allowed to hang out with me. Which I think is totally unfair just because of rumors and untrue things people say about me one of her parentals assumes the worst. Which I dont think is really giving me a fair shot because in the bible it says something along the lines of treat others how you would want to be treated. I do not think they would like it very much if someone was just shuttin them out such as they are doing to me. But I am the bigger person and I have just let it be. Also, is it me or does everyone around me seem to be in that perfect relationship with the guy or girl they believe to be the one for them. I have had my share of dating crappy guys and I am ready to settle down and meet the right guy that god has chosen for me. But it is on his timing not mine and I know that so I am going to have to be patient.

I went to a college group at Cornerstone this past Thursday night. I really enjoy it I go with a friend of mine, and I really like it. The speaker is great the worship is awesome, and it is a good time. I am definitely going to continue going it was my second time and it was awesome.

Well thats about all I got. See Ya'll Later!! God Bless

I Need A JOb!

2008-03-26T13:00:00.001-07:00

I am in desperate need of a job. Does anyone know of anywhere that is hiring. I am looking for front desk/Receptionist jobs. SO if anyone knows of anything PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know..

I would Greatly Appreciate it!!

Thanks

Troubles.

2008-03-23T01:52:00.000-07:00

TO be bluntly flat out. Having issues with the fam right now. I dont exactly know whats going on but pray for me, that I would have patience, and just all that stuff. God knows I really need it right about now. I mean I know I am almost 19 still living at home and all so I have it pretty well. But I dont depend on my parents for everything. I use my money to go out and do stuff that i want to do and buy things I want. I am trying to find myself a job so that I can have money so I can do stuff and buy things for myself. I am no longer asking mommy and daddy for money to go out to the mall or go out to the movies. So I think I am pretty much depending on myself aside from the college classes and insurance my parents both paid for. But other than that I use my money for things I have or want. I dont get how there are some kids who put their parents through hell and still get everything they want (some of you may know a certain person in my fam I am speakin of), money handed to them, and gifts handed to them like their kid is an angel. I find it odd and quite hilarious that alot of those parents think that their kid is not dependent on them so much anymore. How are they not dependent? without their parents they wouldn't have half the things they have and wouldn't be able to go out and do half the things they do. Alot of these kids dont even appreciate it. I appreciate very much the things my parents do pay for. As far as depending on them for every aspect of my life not so much. But I love both my mom and dad very dearly and they are both a major part of my life. Not needing them for everything that happens in my life is understandable but I still like them to be apart of it. Well that just a littl rant for today! Well night!! HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!

DisGust

2008-03-18T19:15:00.001-07:00

(This poem is one that my friend Amber wrote I found it so true so i asked her permission to put it on my page)

Are all guys this lost?
Must I lose faith in a ll of the men
On this God-forsaken planet?

What makes you think that it is alright
That it is acceptable
In any circumstance
To treat a young woman of God with disrespect.

To treat her as if she is merely property
An object
To demoralize her in such a way
That is not only disrespectful to her,
But in direct opposition with God.

My trust is fading,
Slipping away...
With every intelligent guy
That tries to pull
One brilliant act or another.
Soon, it will become nothing.

In Case You Didn't Know.

2008-03-03T11:27:00.000-08:00

I was let go from the job I just started like 2 weeks ago in a doctors office. I was supposedly not a "good fit." I found myself asking the question "If they thought that why did they waste their time hiring me in the first place?" but whatever its their loss. On a good note I have 3 interviews already lined up this week. One for Cosmetic Sales at Macys which I am about to go to in an hour. One for Receptionist at Massage Envy. Than another one at the teen clothing store Anchor Blue so hopefully one of these will work out for me or something better will come along. I am in school and all so I am really not looking for like a major job or anything just something that will get me some cash lol. So ya! Well hope yall have a wonderful day and wish me luck!!

Later

Been Busy Lately!

2008-02-25T16:42:00.000-08:00

Has been a while since I have even been on the computer to do anything but school work. I have been working 8-5 Monday thru Friday including going to school till 10pm Tuesday and Thursday Evenings. So needless to say all the sleeping in while I was jobless was nice but now the gettin up early is whooping my butt lol. I mean honestly I am in bed by 9pm lately. But I think I will be thankful when my first paycheck comes around. Also I did go to Casa De Elizabeth not this past weekend but the weekend before, and it was awesome. I really enjoyed painting Guadalupes room with my Mom and just hanging out with them all was a blast. My mom and I got to spend quite alot of quality time with Guadalupe and it was really fun. He is such a sweetheart, and he is honeslty like my little brother by blood. He is so freakin adorable, I can help but smile when we are spending time with him. As far as school its going pretty good in my Business communications class I have a 94% and that class is not exactly easy, although I am struggling in my Christianity class go figure I know less about my own religion than I thought. Anyways I am off to go relax and eat some tacos with mi madre. Adios!!

VaLeNtInEs DaY

2008-02-14T00:33:00.000-08:00

Its 1:33AM so technically its Thursday so its officially Valentines Day. Not my favorite Holiday at all. I mean they should call it "Single Awareness Day" because what fun is it for the single people to watch all the not single people get flowers, and candy, and stuffed animals and stuff like that. I mean really whats the fun in the holiday unless you have a significant other? There is no fun it it! Its really just depressing lol. So to all you couples. Happy Valentines Day! Enjoy it for all of us who cant = )

Night!

This Is Just The Beginning

2008-02-13T13:02:00.000-08:00

OF THE NEW JOB I GOT TODAY! I am so happy and thankful I got this job. Its Monday-Friday 8am-5pm with the exception of tuesdays I will leave at around 3:30p for school! Receptionist position at a Doctors office. Thank God....God is Good huh....Without him I would not have gotten this position. YAY Yay Thanks for all your prayers as well.. I love you all!!

Never Know What Ya Got Till Its "Gone"

2008-02-13T01:11:00.000-08:00

So basically when I was at the TobyMac concert one of his songs really stuck out to me. Its called "Gone" and before he performed it he made a shout out and said it was for all the girls who are sick of being treated like dirt by guys, and if you knew my past situation you know how true the runs to my life so this is the video. Watch it, but mainly listen to the words because its SO true!

Good Concert.

2008-02-09T01:43:00.000-08:00

So tonight my friend Merediths mom Susan called me and invited me to go to the "Boomin Beyond Measures Tour" which included the artist Matthew West, Jeremy Camp, and TobyMac. So since she had an extra ticket and extended the invited to me I figured I would go. Needless to say Meredith was unaware that I was going so it was all kind of a surprise to her so when she pulled up the my house and her mom went up to the door and told her to wait in the car she did but when she saw me coming out she jumped out of the car and ran up and gave me a huge hug. I would say she was pretty excited to see me. So the show was awesome. TobyMac brought the house down if you don't know who he is he is a hip hop singer, and his performance was mind blowing. Then Jeremy Camp had a pretty amazing set as well, not to forget Matthew West had a good set to. So it was a great show. Meredith was excited to get a night out considering she is grounded for about 2 months. Which I personally think is a bit much for what she did which in my opinion was nothing major. I think someone may be going overboard with it a lil bit, and its just pushing her away in the end is only going to make her rebel more. so anyways just a bit about how my night went, and whats going on with Meredith. Hang in there Meredith I love you!! muah!!'

PEace!!

Shannon

Club at School

2008-02-06T22:38:00.000-08:00

So I went to a club at school this evening called Christians In Action. This gentleman in my Business Communications class is the leader of it and told me I should come. He was very nice, and introduced me to everyone, and just made me feel like part of the group from the start. It was pretty fun. We just played ping pong, ate, had some sodas. It was fun....then I got started in a conversation with a young lady named Natalie. She was extremely sweet, and we had alot to talk about and she actually doesn't even attend the Community College she is still in high school. So yea she was really fun, and super sweet. So yea just thought I would let yall know how it went!!

Peace Out!!

So Boring Day

2008-02-06T11:09:00.000-08:00

I pretty much need to find a job. This staying home and sleeping all day stuff is getting old. I have been trying really hard to find one but none of them are working out for me. So please keep me in your prayers...I need all that I can get hehe. School last night was alright I suppose Christianity class is interesting but seriously my teacher must be pushing 86 years old and seems to not be able to talk loud enough for the whole class to hear, and the notes are all blurry and he doesn't fix those it cracks me up. But its ok because I can just print them off of the internet (oh thanks to the technology these days) so basically i just sit there and read the chapters since I can't HEAR him or SEE the notes. Then after that Business Communications, we helped an artist make a sculpture out of water bottles (random I know) but its somethin to do with recycling, and saving the earth and stuff like that, so me and a group of guys from my class cut wire to help with that. Than we did this team activity thing. It was pretty interested and since most of the groups had one person from each personality slot they got finished more quickly because they had someone that was like just get it done, and finish it, but my group was made up of more people with the same personality type according to the little quiz we took and the teacher said that we took the longest to finish but we never argued or were rude to each other like, we worked as a team so I thought that was a pretty interesting little activity. So tonight at school they have a christian club call Christians In Action and I am debating whether I want to go or not. Hmm....I dunno but people have been telling me it will be good for me so maybe I will I dunno. Well I hope yall have a great day!! Peace!! I am going back to sleep!!

This Touched Me

2008-01-26T12:59:00.000-08:00

One of my friends sent this to me and wanted to let me know they were prayin for me and this completely touched my heart! here is the prayer!

Dear Lord, thank You so much for our new friend, Shannon. she is awesome and all that You have done for her is awesome. Lord, we ask that You would give our new friend a special touch from heaven this Christmas. Blow her away with something totally unexpected and beautiful. We also ask, Lord, that You would seek out any broken, lost, or hurting piece of our friends heart. Search them out like fine gold, find them, and heal them, making her heart completely whole. Fill her house with great peace and much joy, that kind of joy that springs up from our inner being and is highly contagious. Meet every need Shannon has according to the riches found in Christ. When she grows weary carry her on Your wings to Your secret place and minister to her spirit and soul. Raise her up to be more than she ever imagined. Use her sweet spirit to reach others with Your love and compassion. Reveal Your great plan for her life and show her all the awesome things You're gonna do with it. Raise a banner to go before our friend to light every path and to scatter her enemies far away. Keep her family safe and let this new year be the best one ever. Finally Lord, remind Shannon every day how precious she is and how much You love her. Do all this in Jesus' wonderful name, amen.

ThAt oNe aNd OnLy gUy

2008-01-26T12:57:00.000-08:00

So for the past few months now I have been on the topic of meeting the guy God has out there especially for me. But along with that topic the topic of waiting also comes along. I know that waiting will be so worth it and will make my relationship with "That Special Guy" so much better. I think about him everyday, and long to be in his arms and to spend time with him. I think for the most part I have done pretty well on not focusing in looking for the right guy, and looking for a relationship.....I have been spending time with friends, and family. I also believe that when I start looking for someone to be in a relationship with I 99.9% of the time fail.......Reason being that its not on my timing that things will happen its on Gods timing....so looking gets me ABSOLUTELY NO WHERE! I know the type of guy I want, and the type of guy I will fall so COMPLETELY hard for. God knows the desires of my heart so I know that he will put that person in my life. I know that when that guy walks into my life that has the looks that make me turn my head, and the personality that makes my heart melt, and the fire in his heart for God that amazes me......than I will know that this is My one. But most of all one of that description that I am not searching for.....that he just COMES into my life. That will be the guy I am to be with. God knows what I am looking for or shall I say waiting for and I am confident that he will put a guy with the looks I am looking for.....and the kindness i am looking for....and the passion for him that i am looking for! I know that God already has that guy out there for me that has the looks and personality and everything I want. Now I all need to do is sit back and wait for God to put him in my life. The fact that I have not met him yet tends to drag me down sometimes but I always have to remember GOD has EVERYTHING under control and that God has that guy already picked out...... somewhere out in this world for me. So I try not to be discouraged. I am confudent God will place him in my life soon, and I am ABSOLUTELY STOKED for it.

Family Force 5 Lyrics

2008-01-26T12:54:00.000-08:00

So my Uncle got my Dad this C.D. from a Band called Family Force 5 for his birthday and I listened to it and I thought they were pretty awesome. So I found out they were coming and Meredith and I decided to go see them! I am hooked they are an awesome band and They rocked the house at their performance! This has become one of my favorite songs by them!! I Really really like it and just think its amazing lyrics!!

Replace Me

My Batteries died sometime ago
Gotta heart shaped box where they must go
Corrosion's building everyday
My flesh is leading me astray that's why I started to decay and I will slowly rot away
but I can't feel that anyway This heart it wants to beat
These Lungs they want to breathe
These eyes they wants to see
Gotta Mouth that wants to sing Desperation
Needing U
Every last breath
I scream for you
Shatter me into a million pieces...Make me new
Crush me, tear me, break me, mold me
Make me what U want me to be
I am ur's for U to use
Oh, Take and Replace me with U
Needing more than just a jump start to get me through
My disconnection is now the issue.....
I miss my 1st love bad and its driving me mad
Just Like a mixed up crazy person out of his head
Its been a long long time I've been on the decline
I do an a-bout face so I can be replaced. 180!!! This heart it wants to beat
These Lungs they want to breathe
These eyes they wants to see
Gotta Mouth that wants to sing
Desperation
Needing U
Every last breath
I scream for you
Shatter me into a million pieces...Make me new
Crush me, tear me, break me, mold me
Make me what U want me to be

What I Have Come To Realize

2008-01-26T12:51:00.000-08:00

Have not written in a while...so I thought it was about time!

So basically I have been prayin and thinkin alot lately. I think about what an emotional roller coaster I have been on throughtout my life. I was talkin to a friend at work telling him all that I have been through and He said "I don't get how you can be the nicest, sweetest girl considering all you have been through" Which made me happy that he things I am so kind. I told him I just put a smile on and to look at me you couldn't tell I have been through alot. There is no point in moping around dwellin on things of the past the only thing that matters is the present, and the future. So Just put a smile on and to the world its as if you have been through nothing. So Just thought I would share that talk with that kid,

Also, I have realized that when it comes to relationships I have been pretty confused. I know I should not be lookin for someone to be with because God will put that person in my life when the time comes. But before I was prayin about it and all and when I find myself struggling and lookin for someone when I think about it I at that point am only looking for Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Right. I realize I will not find Mr. Right until the "RIGHT" time comes. When God thinks I myself am fully prepared for it, and when he thinks my Mr. Right is fully prepared as well.I have learned I just got to throw my hands down and put it all in Gods hands. I am on and off with it I will be doin good but then I struggle so I really do need to hands down give it to God! I have been hurt by so many boys its beginning to really get annoying and I always start to think that there probably is not a decent nice guy out there and it hurts but hey its probably Gods way of slappin me in the face telling me to just leave it to him and he will provide a decent guy for me. Waiting is the hard part....but I know God will greatly reward me for it. You have to go through some of the wrong ones before you meet the right one, and trust me I have had my share of wrong ones. I think of it this way...If I don't wait if I did date someone I would be settling for second best and why settle for second best when GOD has the best for me...I was talkin to a friend and she explained it to me like that, and I realized how true that was. I also know I have to be okay with myself and love myself or I will never be able to love someone else. So I strongly believe that the waiting part helps a big part in that. It sort of forces me to go out and do things on my own.....which makes me okay with myself which is good. The time will come for me to meet that guy, its just on Gods time Not Mine. So I just take the time to go do things on my own, and with close friends, and with family. So yeah....those of you I have sought out for advice thanks...and just continue to keep me in your prayers!
God Bless...Be Moved

(sorry this blog was kinda jumbled up just had to say it all haha)

AmAziNg SoNg LyrIcs

2008-01-26T12:45:00.000-08:00

(These lyrics are simply amazing. This is such an encouraging song I heard it the other day and I absolutely love it)

Stand in The Rain

She never slows down
She doesn't know why but,
She knows that when
Shes all alone, it feels
Like its all, coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long
And she fears if she cries
That first tear
The tears will not stop
Raining downSo stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when its all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day whats lost can be found
You stand in the rainShe won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through
Everything she's running from
Wants to give up and lie downSo stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when its all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day whats lost can be found
You stand in the rainSo stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when its all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day whats lost can be foundSo stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when its all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

EvErYtHiNg Is So CrAzY

2008-01-26T12:42:00.000-08:00

(I apologize ahead of time but this blog is going to be all over the place because I am just kinda talkin about everything in it so try to make sense of it all)
The Song on my myspace totally explains how I have been feeling lately. Alot of things are not going the way I would like them to go right now. I have so many mixed emotions going on right now. Confusion, Hurt, Anger, Sadness, etc. I feel like everything is just crashing down. But I am tryin to hold my head up high and stay strong. I have been feelin so lonely. Its like everyone around me as someone they are happy with and everything is great, and I am alone. Yet I know I am never truly alone because God is always with me. I have decide to give it all to him, my relationship and walk with God has been gettin so much better. I know I have gone astray but we all do. I am just glad God has grabbed hold of me again and that it is kind of like a new start.
Its My daddys birthday today. Happy birthday daddy. Not to mention it is going to be his 7 years sober on the 28th so he is super stoked about that. My dad and I may not have the best relationship but we are gettin there. I truly love him with everything I have. He is an extraordinary person. What he has been through and that fact that he is still here with me today is amazing. He is seriously living proof of a miracle! He is truly one of my heroes. He may not believe it but he really is. I know that I mean the world to him and all he wants is a better relationship with me. It breaks my heart to think that he thinks I don't cherish the relationship I do have with him. I am so thankful that he is here for me to even have a relationship with. I love you Dad! (I was listening to the song Zoe Jane by Staind as I was writing this that is like My Dad and I's song but could not find it to put on my blog so here are the lyrics)

Zoe Jane
"Well, I want you to noticeTo notice when Im not aroundAnd I know that your eyes see straight through meAnd speak to me without a sound I want to hold youProtect you from all of the thingsI've already enduredAnd I want to show youShow you all the thingsThat this life has in store for youIll always love youThe way that a fatherShould love his daughterWhen I walked out this morningI cried as I walked to the doorI cried about how long Id be away forI cried about leaving you all aloneI want to hold youProtect you from all of the thingsI've already enduredAnd I want to show youShow you all the thingsThat this life has in store for youIll always love youThe way that a fatherShould love his daughterSweet Zoe JaneSweet Zoe JaneSo I wanted to say thisCause I wouldn't know where to beginTo explain to you what I've been throughTo explain where your daddy has beenSo I want to hold youProtect you from all of the thingsI've already enduredAnd I want to show youShow you all the thingsThat this life has in store for youIll always love youThe way that a fatherShould love his daughterSweet Zoe JaneSweet Zoe Jane"

I think it is amazing how people can change. One day you could think they are the most awesome person ever, then the next they decide they don't want anything to do with you. Do people think about how they are going to make others feel before they do things like that. Its amazing how a person can make you so happy and than simply shatter it all by simply deciding that they don't want to talk to you anymore.It ridiculous.
Isn't it simply amazing how one person can make you so happy and they don't even realize it! Just talkin to them makes you happy, the thought of just spending time with them makes you smile. Just everything bad seems to be non existant when you hang around this person. The thing about this is that this could very possibly be the person God has chosen just for me. Or it could not be. Waiting is all part of it, and I will just have to let time tell if it is the right person or not. If its not then I suppose something will go wrong just like with all the others. I will just have to stay on my knees in prayer about it.
So as some things are going good and others are not going so good just please keep me in prayer. Especially those of you that know the bigger details of why I am sad, angry, happy, etc. I appreciate the prayers and I need all I can get.
Always would like to say a Thank You to Tia and Hannah for mentoring me. Tia has been for a while and we don't get to get together much but when we do it really helps and she helped me get ALOT of stuff of my chest this past time. Hannah thanks to you as well for all that texting and talkin in mexico and all you've been a huge help to and I really appreciate it. I love you both dearly! Muah!

2008-01-26T12:41:00.000-08:00

So I have being writing letters to my future husband that is somewhere out there i may have met him i may have not. But if god has done all the work on his heart as well as mine and we have both been patient than I think that we have probably met but only because it was gods timing. so here is the first letter. It was Written about the date of September 10, 2007
To My Husband,
I stayed up pretty late last night praying for you, and about you. Praying for God to continue to give you patience in waiting for your future wife the one he has prepared for you, and praying that God is continuing to work miracles in your heart and in your life and fully preparing you for the live you are living and will continue to live and for the man you are becoming and the Future husband you will become. Being alone is not my favorite thing but I know it will only serve me good in the end because I waited and had Patience and God will reward me greatly for that. I know that God has to work on my heart and all before he will even allow me to meet you. I need to be content with myself and being me before I can be with someone else. I know that waiting for you will be so worth it in the end because God is using this time to continue to work on my heart and life and my walk with him. Plus I am just continuing to grow and I am becoming a women of noble character that is talked about in Proverbs. A woman without these characteristics will make no wife at all. In the bible it says that a Noble Wife would have all these things. So while I am continuing to be patient in meetin my future husband I am growing in all these areas in every aspect. I know that when we do meet we will both be greatly rewarded for our patience and our relationship will be ten times better. I do long for the day I will meet you and get to be in your arms. But God has other things in store for us right now. until then patience is key. So as much as I long to be with you and be in your arms....it will happen but not until gods timing. So I am going to continue to pray for you and about you. I am going to pray that god works in your life and on your heart, and continues to mold you into the man you are becoming and the future husband you one day are going to be, and I also will pray that you continue to follow the lord and do his will for your life. I will also be praying for me that God will continue to mold me into the women I am becoming and the future wife I am one day going to be. I love you!

Love,
Your Wife

Hello Everyone

2008-01-26T12:36:00.000-08:00

Well I offcially gave in and made a BlogSpot Account. I post most of my blogs on my myspace page but I am not sure that to many people see them that way. So on here at least people will see them.